Warning: It's late, I'm tired but I had to get this off my chest. Please excuse the tousled sentences that follow.
I think as women we can band together in the notion of "you mess with my friend, you mess with me" attitude. A guy treats your friend like shit, you want to kick his ass, right?
So I've been lingering with this feeling for a few days now. You know, one of those things you sleep on and if you still feel the same way tomorrow- seize it. Well, I slept and I'm still pissed so- Carpe Diem.
Long story short: Why are men assholes? Well ladies, it's our fault. We allow them to be, consistently. So why wouldn't they continue to act like assholes? It's so much easier being an asshole than being a gentleman.
When was the last time one of your girls called you up and said something to the tune of "he was the perfect gentleman"? ........................ Don't worry, I'll wait.
Let me explain where this is coming from- My friend, we'll call her Liz, texted me the other day, irate; and to her credit, she should have been. She had been talking to a guy, we'll call him Ben, for a few months now via the internet. Well, she and Ben were going to finally meet face to face. The series of events unfolds like this:
- Ben texts my friend telling her he feels like a truck hit him because he partied too hard the night before (classy) and he thinks they'll have to postpone. Been there, done that. I hope you get better.
- My friend decides to go out with her co-worker instead since she's now free. They head to a restaurant for dinner. All is well.
- She's sitting at dinner having a perfectly fine night and in walks Ben. "Hung over" Ben. Asshole Ben. WTF?
I don't know about you but if I'm ever THAT hungover, you can't even get me in the car. Netflix, pizza, and sprite are my remedies. I'm not going out in public with my "neighbor" that happens to be hot and we're both well put together. Nope, adult sized onsie for this baby gurl.
- AHB proceeds to get a table with this other girl. Liz isn't happy, I'm not happy, Ben is clueless. This is when she texted me describing the situation. I can tell she's trying to keep her spirits up, however- she's crushed; someone she's been into for the past few months would lie to her like that.
- I try to encourage her to stick up for herself. No one treats my GIRL like that and gets away with it. No sir. No ma'am. Go to hell AHB.
Now here's the point where I feel most people will say "what's so wrong with what happened" or "he didn't do anything". I think you'll agree with what Liz's co-worker says.
- Her co-worker tells her she can't react; it would make her look crazy. To her co-worker I say "FUCK THAT!" LOOK CRAZY?! I'm sorry, I missed the part where women were supposed to sit idly by while men did what ever the F they wanted to and we weren't allowed to say a DAMN thing because it made us look crazy! I've been prescribing to the theory that if a woman stood up for herself it made her look strong, confident, intelligent and self respecting. She is not going to let any AH treat her poorly. So not standing up for yourself because you look "crazy" is bullshit.
DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying that ALL men are assholes. I have dated my fair share and know the difference between those AH's and the love of my life. He's kind, he's honest and most importantly, he respects the hell out of me. That's how I know he's a keeper and that's what I hope for all women of the world seeking love.
Someone once told me "Don't settle for anything less than someone who looks at you at your worst, smiles, and says 'I love you'". I didn't follow that advice for a LONG time but when I finally did, I found the love of my life.
GAG. Lovey moment over. Back to the real.
For most of my generation dating and chivalry are dead.
Dating now a days seems like the following awful process: going to the bar, awkward eye contact, buying or receiving a drink, laughing at an awful joke, getting someone's number, getting far too drunk, taking them home and doing god knows what. (If you need a more defined description, come spend a night at my place and the girl upstairs will educate you, unfortunately). Of course this song and dance is followed by awkward texts (if that) and a myriad of "will he text?" or " I have't heard from him in x amount of days" & "I hate dating". NEWS FLASH: You don't hate dating, you hate the way YOU have chosen to "date". Where is the romance in that?!
We expect this level of romanticism and respect yet by accepting these various situations as "dating" we're disrespecting ourselves and setting the bar for romanticism very low. I don't know about you but "hey baby, let's swipe right and see where it takes us" does not a romantic ending make.
For me, this seems like a pandemic affecting most of my peers. We're of the millennial generation. We're spoiled by information and millions of ways to communicate. What happened to going out to dinner and genuinely getting to know someone?
My point is- if you go on a second date with someone after they sucked on the first, quit bitching.
